I'm still in love with my ex, whom I no longer talk to, and I don't know what to do. Help?

Let me make a long story short. I met my ex about a year ago, and immediately I knew he was the one for me. He was the first person to ever stick up for me, and make me feel like I mattered to someone. I could tell him anything and he'd never judge me. He was the first person I ever trusted, and i've had trust issues my whole life. Basically, he was THE ONE person I had been waiting for my whole life! After 9 months or so, we finally decided to move in together, and that was tough. I have overbearing parents, so of course, they weren't too pleased by that idea. Sadly to say, I didn't want to stay with him any more although I loved him, because he had a much lower income to what i'm used to and I was scared to live in the neighborhood he did. I know that sounds awful, but when your used to living in a upper middle class family your whole life, you can't help but react that way. Anyways, this is when it gets ugly. He introduced me to his friend, who fell completely head over heels inlove with me, and although I was attracted to him, I didn't love him the way I did my ex. Of course, this brought alot of conflict between all 3 of us, and my ex just stopped talking to us. I feel so bad, but at the same time my ex was a bit controlling while his friend was this calm sweet guy...so I thought. Plus, his friend had a good income. No, i'm not a gold digger ok? I was helpless. I unfortunetely, chose to be with the friend, instead of my ex. My ex had alot of problems, so did I, so it was hard to deal with all of that, especially when your going through a major change in your life. My family didn't speak to me, it was awful. Anyways, it's been almost 3 months since I last talked to my ex, and from what I hear from other people, he's in very bad condition. I live with my current "boyfriend", the friend, and although he's nice, I don't feel like I matter to him. His friends hate me and talk **** about me behind my back to him, and he doesn't do a thing. Yet, when I defend myself, I get heat for it. Everytime I want to talk to him about something that bothers me, he just storms out of the room to smoke a cigarette. I want to be honest and tell him how I REALLY feel, but am afraid because he strongly loathes my ex. As for the making me feel inferior to everyone else, My ex NEVER did this. With him, I felt like I mattered to someone. He stood up for me and was always there for me. I'm still in love with him, and I wish he was still in my life, but I don't know how he'd react. I wish I can see him to make sure he's ok. I feel awful for what I did, and now, i'm hopeless. I want to find him, see him again, and be with him. I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life. I lost the man of my dreams. What shoudl I do, someone please help me!