My wife sorta cheated on me, now I don't know if I want kids with her?

Dude, I don't mean to criticize, I know this is rough but love does not conquer all, and it sounds like your wife is not completely in the marriage with you. She's emotionally and/or physically checked out. You've been through marriage counseling and it sounds like you've both determined you need/want to settle in different locations. Perhaps, despite how much you love one another, you're not the right fit.